My notebook

I have been wanting to write all week but one thing piles on top pf the other and writing is like a lost little sad alone thought waiting to be heard. And I really wanted to write free hand in my notebook which who-the-hell-knows where that is. I have things everywhere. I have socks in my car, library books lost, cat food on the floor, trucks in my purse, crayons on top of the fridge. So I am gonna try to round up a pen and a notebook at the same time! That would be a bigger feat than just writing. But my storry idea is too big to start writing here. I want to save it for the page to see what comes next. I had the first paragraph come out in my head 3 days ago and wanted to write it immediately. I hope by the time time I do round up a pen and scare up a notebook I will still have the idea fresh anf flowing. Maybe not fresh but there. There for sure. Theres no denying that. it is a dark one but with so much truth it brings the darkness to the light. but some might have a hard time reading it becasue their truth may still be hidden in the dark. Maybe my writing will help them get to their truth? Give them the courage? Or just bring it up and then for inabilit yto handle it they go insane, sink into a deep depression and do somehting reckless. God, I hope not. I have done enough of that for 566 people. I am serious. I bet of you rounded up 556 people from all walks of life- I have done more reckless things than them. Especially if you count those little girls in audit at my firm. Scary for them is proabaly wearing pink underwear and leaving the car window down at an itnersection with the radio on. Mine is dark. Iti s mine. I have seen so much. Partially from my own force. Partialy as a bystander. Partialy as an unwilling participant of someone else's coerced nightmare. So the idea is still there. Running around my heart to keep strong in the meantime. Soaking up blood from my ateries to get even stronger. And then I will finally write. It sounds like such a freeing miracle. I cant wait. And if it was not what I though it would be- which it will- I will be knocked up with a new idea, and another and another. God, he wont let me down. Amen to that. Off to sleep. Oh, before I go- Can I tell you how absolutely precious it is when Kai is laying in my lap drinking his bottle and he takes the nipple out of his mouth, leans up to my face and says in a half whisper, "hi". It is the most loaded beautfiul hi ever. Love love love. He is perfection on earth. I want to eat him!!!
Love S