Whatever

Hi,
In my last post I said that I was boring and stuck, essentially. I am getting unstuck. It has taken a long time. That is why my blog is so stilted and careful. I can only venture to put my toe out into the water to hover over the water before taking it back in and hiding it again. To put it out therr fully means to feel it all. The good and the bad. To fully reach my leg out, point my toe and stick it in means i am ready to feel the temperature. To feel what it is to feel. I guess that is what I am almost ready to do. Put the toe in. The thought of the pain has been to scary. The thought of the joy is unfathomable. I need a little push. I feel big loss and huge huge bliss and joy every day. Every day. Ever day I am 100% grateful for my life. Also every day I combat fears and challenges too big for me. To big for me. But I do it. I think there is even more bliss and more joy to be had then I can even imagine. Question is am I willin to get that big with the fear of feeling that much more pain. Hopefully it does not work like that. For today I will put my damn toe in the water. Maybe tomorrow i will jump. Maybe I wont write on this blog for 4 more months.